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The moral: when you're full of bull,
keep your mouth shut.
~~~~~
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted
was a girl with big
boobs.
In high school, I dated a girl with
big boobs, but there was
no passion. So I decided I needed
a passionate girl.
In college, I dated a passionate girl,
but she was too
emotional. Everything was an emergency,
she cried all the
time. So I decided I needed a girl
with some stability.
I found a very stable girl, but she
was boring. She never got
excited about anything. So I decided
I needed a girl with
some excitement.
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't
keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another,
never settling on
anything. She was without direction.
So I decided to find a
girl with some ambition.
After college, I found an ambitious
girl and married her. She
was so ambitious, she divorced me
and took everything I
owned.
Now all I want is a girl with big
boobs!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night my spouse was berating
me for wanting to check my
email as soon as I got home from
work. "You know", she
complained, "I think that work rules
your life".
"No dear," I replied, "_you_ rule
my life. I just prefer work."
~~~~~
"Doc," said the young man lying down
on the couch, "You've
got to help me! Every night
I have the same horrible dream.
I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden
five drop dead gorgeous
women rush in and start tearing off
my clothes."
The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"
"I push them away!"
"I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"
The patient implored, "Please, Break
my arms!"
~~~~~~
A man was walking in the street when
he heard a voice. "Stop!
Stand still! If you take one more
step, a brick will fall down on
your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell
right in front of him. The
man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was
going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop!
Stand still! If you take
one more step a car will run over
you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed,
just as a car came
careening around the corner, barely
missing him. "Where are
you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where
the hell were you when
I got married?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The complaint letter from Judi:
We blonds at the ofise are tired of
all the the dum stoopid jokes
about us. We think this is hairassment.
It causes us grate
stress and makes our roots turn dark.
We have hired a loyer
and he is talking to the loyers at
Clairol. We will take this all
the way to the supream cort if we
have two. Juj Thomas knos
all about hairassment and he will
be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner
to make a new law to stop
this pursicushun.
We want a law that makes peepol tell
brewnet jokes as much
as blond jokes and every so often
a red head joke. If we don't
get our way we will not date anybody
that ain't blond and we
will make up jokes about you and
we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise
(sine with a penseel so you can erace
it if you make a mistake)
~~~~~