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Late one Friday night the policeman spotted
a man driving
very erratically through the streets
of Dublin. They pulled the
man over and asked him if he had
been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you
know, so me and the lads
stopped by the pub where I had six
or seven pints. And then
there was something called "Happy
Hour" and they served
these mar-gar-itos which are quite
good. I had four or five o'
those. Then I had to drive me friend
Mike home and O'
course I had to go in for a couple
of Guiness - couldn't be
rude, ye know. Then I stopped on
the way home to get
another bottle for later .." And
the man fumbled around in his
coat until he located his bottle
of whiskey, which he held up
for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir,
I'm afraid I'll need you to
step out of the car and take a breathalyzer
test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't
ye believe me?!?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two very elderly men were having
a conversation about sex:
1st: Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!
2nd: You're kidding! I can't even
manage to do it once! What's
your secret?
1st: Well, the secret is to eat lots
of whole-wheat bread. I'm
not kidding!
So the second old man rushed to the store.
Clerk: May I help you?
Old man: Yes, I'd like four loaves
of whole-wheat bread,
please.
Clerk: That's a lot of bread! It's
sure to get hard before you're
done!
Old man: Damn! Does EVERYONE know
about this except
me?
~~~~~
Ever since we got married, my wife
has tried to change me.
She got me to stop drinking, smoking,
running around at all
hours of the night and more. She
taught me how to dress
well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet
cooking, classical music
and how to invest in the stock market."
"Sounds like you may be bitter because
she spent so much
time trying to change you."
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved,
she just isn't good
enough for me."
~~~~~~