JOKES.

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the
merits of a mistress.

The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the
risk of being discovered.

The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt,
divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.

The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever
happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My
mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all
night on the computer!"
~~~~~
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young
Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and
beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving.
Don't try and stop me!"

With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and
followed close behind.

"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop
me."

"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a
minute, I'll go with you."
~~~~~~
A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a
costume party, I want to go as Adam."

The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough." She
brings out a bigger one.

He says, "Still not big enough." She brings out a huge fig leaf.

He says, "Still not big enough."

She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your
shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women
has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-
endowed women.

It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"- it rounds them up and points
them in the right direction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Frenchwoman took her little daughter to the Louvre where
they saw a statue of a nude male.

"What is that?" asked the child pointing to the penis.

"Nothing, nothing at all, Cherie," replied the mother.

"I want one," said the child. The mother tried to focus her
daughter's attention on a more suitable subject, but the little
girl persisted.

"I want one just like that," she kept repeating.

At last the mother said, "If you are a good girl and stop
thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one."

"And if I'm bad?" asked the little one.

"Then," sighed the mother, "You will have many."
~~~~~~
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "I'll be home
when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and
don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.
Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand
that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night - whether
you're here or not."
~~~~~
A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her
former husband, Walter Smith.  Saint Peter said, "We have five
million Walter Smiths.  Give us a little clue."

The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he
said that if I ever slept with another man he'd turn over in his
grave."

Saint Peter motioned an angel forward.  "Take her to Whirling
Walter!"