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Her dad said "That's what I call 'a shame'."
Next day at school, when the teacher
asked for the fifty
cents, Little Mary said, "Daddy couldn't
give me fifty cents
because he wasn't wearing his pants."
The teacher replied, "Doesn't your
father have any shame at
all?"
Little Mary said, "Oh, yes, ma'am,
he has one, but it's not as
big as the one the principal gave
you last Thursday."
~~~~~~
Three women were talking about their
love lives.
The first said :
'Mines like a Rolls-Royce,smooth
and sophisticated.'
The second said:
'Mines like a Porsche, fast and powerful.'
The third said :
Mines like an old Chevy. It needs
a hand start and I
have to jump on while it's still
going.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two attorneys have planned to meet
for lunch, but one of
them shows up 30 minutes late.
The one who's been waiting asks his
partner: "What kept
you?"
"I ran over a Coke bottle and got a flat tire."
"A Coke bottle in the road? Didn't you see it?"
"No, the kid had it under his coat."
~~~~~~
A young lady had just visited her
doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant. The
young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very
badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt
that she had to share the
good news with someone. The
gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share
the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the
best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it
with someone or I'll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had
told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiam as he
shared his expierence.
He said he was a farmer and he had
trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that
he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had layed
eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I
changed cocks."
The newly pregnant woman responded,
"Confidentially, me
too."
~~~~~
Some women are gathered and the subject
of conversation
turns to sex and then birth control.
The first woman says
"We're Catholic so we can't use it."
The next woman says "I am too but
we use the rhythm
method."
The third woman says "We use the bucket
and saucer
method."
"What the heck is the bucket and saucer
method?", the others
ask.
"Well, I'm five foot eleven... and
my husband is five foot two. We
make love standing up with him standing
on a bucket, and
when his eyes get big as saucers
I kick the bucket out from
under him."
~~~~~
Today's woman puts on wigs, fake
eyelashes, false fingernails,
sixteen pounds of assorted make-up/shadows/blushes/creams,
living bras, various pads that would
make a linebacker envious,
has implants and assorted other surgeries,
then complains that
she cannot find a "real" man.
~~~~~~