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Women's English:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct
decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for
this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you
to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset,
you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a
shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight
= Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights
= I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient =
I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting,
and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean
hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were
almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask
for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did
something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick
off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate.
= Just agree with me.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you
get out of bed and walk him, dipwad.
The answer to "What's wrong?":
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing =Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that
you're such an asshole
Men's English:
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" =
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" =
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd
eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually
like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you
a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why
you are making such a big deal out of this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless
self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight
is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have
sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said
it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your
hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your
hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress
you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have
sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to
make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one
better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
"I don't think that blouse and that
skirt go well together." = I am gay