1. There are 3 kinds
of people: those who can count and those who can't. 2. Why is "abbreviation"
such a long word? 3. Don't use a big word
where a diminutive one will suffice. 4. Every morning is the
dawn of a new error . . . 5. A flying saucer results
when a nudist spills his coffee. 6. For people who like peace
and quiet: a phoneless cord 7. I can see clearly now,
the brain is gone . . . 8. The beatings will continue
until morale improves. 9. I used up all my sick
days, so I'm calling in dead. 10. Mental Floss prevents
Moral Decay. 11. Madness takes its toll.
Please have exact change. 12. Proofread carefully
to see if you any words out. 13. There cannot be a crisis
today; my schedule is already full. 14. I'd explain it to you,
but your brain would explode. 15. Ever stop to think,
and forget to start again? 16. A conclusion is simply
the place where you got tired of thinking. 17. I don't have a solution,
but I admire the problem. 18. Don't be so open-minded
your brains fall out. 19. If at first you DO succeed,
try not to look astonished! 20. Diplomacy is the art
of saying 'Nice doggie!'. . . till you can find a rock. 21. Diplomacy - the art
of letting someone have your way. 22. If one synchronized
swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? 23. If things get any worse,
I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. 24. If I want your opinion,
I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. 25. Don't look back, they
might be gaining on you. 26. It's not hard to meet
expenses, they're everywhere. 27. Help Wanted: Telepath.
You know where to apply. 28. Look out for #1. Don't
step in #2. 29. Budget: A method for
going broke methodically. 30. Car service: If it ain't
broke, we'll break it. 31. Shin: A device for finding
furniture in the dark. 32. Do witches run spell
checkers? 33. Demons are a Ghouls
best friend. 34. Copywight 1994 Elmer
Fudd. All wights wesewved. 35. Dain Bramaged. 36. Department of Redundancy
Department. 37. Headline: Bear takes
over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat. 38. What has four legs and
an arm? A happy pit bull.