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We can live a long time without thinking about such things as
"meaning" and "purpose" in life.
But in the end, it is these things
that bring lasting happiness.
I have heard that Ralph Barton, a cartoonist of a former
generation, left this note pinned
to his pillow before taking his
life: "I have had few difficulties,
many friends, great successes; I
have gone from wife to wife, and
from house to house, visited great
countries of the world, but I am
fed up with inventing devices to fill
up twenty-four hours of the day."
Whatever psychological problems may have afflicted him, Ralph
Barton suffered from an empty life.
He tried to fill it up -- with
relationships and things and busyness.
And he was no doubt successful
in his work. And probably well-liked.
His problem was that he felt his
life had no meaning.
Educator Morrie Schwartz helps us put meaning into our lives.
In Mitch Albom's book, *Tuesdays
with Morrie*, the irrepressible lover
of life says this: "So many people
walk around with a meaningless
life. They seem half asleep even
when they are busy doing things they
think are important. This is the
product of chasing the wrong things.
The way you get meaning into your
life is to devote yourself to loving
others, to devote yourself to your
community around you, and devote
yourself to creating something that
gives you purpose and meaning."
Do you want to be happy? Do you want a life that matters? Then
fill it up with loving and caring
for those around you! I guarantee,
it will never seem empty again!
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Learn To Love Them!
Are you ever frustrated with people you care about? Are you
MORE frustrated because it seems
as if they just won't change?
A man tried everything he could think of to eradicate the
weeds in his lawn. Finally, in desperation,
he wrote to the Department
of Agriculture asking advice, and
listing every method he had tried.
He received a reply back. It said,
"We suggest you learn to love
them!"
The same could be said about marriage and friendship. We may
feel exasperated by the faults and
idiosyncrasies of others. We
believe the relationship will be
perfect if only they would change
that annoying habit or correct that
irritating behavior. So we embark
on a campaign to "get rid of the
weeds" -- to get someone we care
about to change. We may nag and cajole
and plead and bribe. And in the
end, we feel frustrated because they
are still the same!
The truth is, we cannot, and should not, attempt to eradicate
the "weeds" we find in other's lives.
We can never change others.
They CAN change, but WE can't change
them. The will to change must
come from within themselves.
So, our task is simply to learn to love them, weeds and all.
Isn't this the way we want them to
love us? Besides, they become more
attractive when we are not focussed
on the weeds. We might even
begin to enjoy them so much that
we remember what drew us to them in
the first place!
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The Pilot Smiled
You might be tossing about in a sea of despair.
You might even feel as if your life may crash about you and
you will never again be healed, whole
or happy.
They say Robert Louis Stevenson told the story first. It's
worth retelling:
It seems a storm caught a sea-faring vessel off a rocky coast.
The wind and waves threatened to
drive the boat to its destruction.
In the midst of the terror, one daring passenger, contrary to
orders, made his way across the ship.
Groping along a passageway, he
found the pilot house. There he beheld
an intriguing sight; the ship's
pilot was lashed to his post. Secure
against the raging elements, he
held the wheel fast, turning the
ship, inch by inch, once more out to
sea. The pilot saw the watcher and
smiled.
The daring passenger found his way below deck where other
passengers huddled. Encouragingly,
he said, "I have seen the face of
the pilot, and he smiled. All is
well."
There are times we need to hear that. Especially when we feel
tossed about by a raging storm, it
helps to remember that the pilot
smiles.
Can you imagine the pilot smiling now?
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Three Powerful Words
A funny story is told about General George Patton from his
World War II days. He once accepted
an invitation to dine at a press
camp in Africa. Wine was served in
canteen cups but, obviously
thinking he was served coffee, Patton
poured cream into his cup. As he
stirred in sugar, Patton was warned
that his cup contained red wine
and not coffee.
Now, General Patton could never, never be wrong. Without
hesitating he replied, "I know. I
like my wine this way." And he drank
it!
I relate this story because I see something of myself and
perhaps most of us here. It is difficult
to admit mistakes. It is hard
to admit when we are wrong.
Three of life's most difficult words to say are, "I was
wrong." But they are also three of
the most powerful words we can
utter. "I was wrong" breaks down
barriers between people. It brings
estranged people together. And it
creates a climate where intimacy and
love may flourish. You may be surprised
at how positively many people
respond to the words, "I was
wrong"!
Naturally, it is a risk. But to admit when you are wrong is
not to confess that you are a "bad"
person. Simply an honest one. And
true friends will appreciate you
for it.
Whole and happy lives are built by people who have learned the
power of intimacy through the words
"I was wrong."
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Sing A New Song
William Arthur Ward has contributed to the betterment of human
life for many years. If you are needing
to live with more passion and
verve, then these words are for you.
Enjoy.
"Sing a new song;
dance a new step; take a new path.
Think a new thought;
accept a new responsibility;
memorize a new poem.
Try a new recipe;
plan a new adventure; entertain a new idea.
Learn a new language;
blaze a new trail; enjoy a new experience.
Make a new fiend;
read a new book; see a new movie.
Climb a new hill;
scale a new mountain; launch a new career.
Find a new purpose;
fill a new need; light a new lamp.
Exercise a new
strength; grasp a new truth;
practice a new awareness.
Add a new dimension;
encourage a new growth;
affirm a new beginning.
Discover a new
answer; envision a new image;
conceive a new system.
Dream a new dream;
chart a new course; build a new life.
Open a new door;
explore a new possibility; capture a new vision.
Start a new chapter;
seek a new challenge;
express a new confidence.
Write a new plan;
turn a new page; follow a new direction.
Watch a new program;
be a new person; radiate a new enthusiasm."
(William Arthur Ward)
Sometimes, just doing that new thing can re-kindle a passion
for living!
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Riches Of The Heart
A funny story is told about a young woman who confided to her
new lover, "My father is gone and
my mother is in very poor health. It
looks as if she will die soon and
I will inherit all her money. We
should get married; after all I'm
going to be a millionaire!"
Two weeks later the man became her stepfather.
I have heard it said that from the time an infant first
struggles to get her toes into her
mouth, life is a continual struggle
to make both ends meet. Those who
are working one or more jobs and
feel as if they are barely getting
by, can relate.
But I also know that the pursuit of money, as an end in
itself, is an empty endeavor. Happy
are those who seek riches which
cannot be counted in a bank or measured
on a scale. For they will
never know real poverty.
I believe writer Rudyard Kipling got it right when he
admonished students at McGill University
to never waste their time
fighting for money or power or fame.
He added, "For some day you will
meet a man who cares for none of
these things -- and then you will
know how poor you are!"
Will you be spending time today pursuing riches of the heart?
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: A Cure For Loneliness
People do strange things! I heard of a man who occasionally
swallowed coins -- enough to make
him sick! Which, as it turns out,
was the whole idea. When asked why
he made himself sick swallowing
coins, he replied that he enjoyed
the affection and attention which
the staff showed him in the hospital!
He was lonely. Many of us are lonely. When asked, "What is
life's heaviest burden?" one lonely
old man answered, "To have nothing
to carry."
A cure for loneliness is to carry the burden of another. Get
involved with their problems. Visit
others who are also lonely. Listen
to someone else's troubles. Find
people who need you and do something
for them. Carrying another's burden
will lighten the load of your
loneliness.
I know a woman who gave each person in her family a golden
angel lapel pin one Christmas. "Wear
it on your collar or shoulder,"
she said, "to remind you that your
guardian angel is always looking
over your shoulder."
Her brother noticed his pin had a broken wing. He held up his
damaged angel and quipped, "It figures.
MY guardian angel is missing a
wing. She can't even take care of
herself!"
A couple of years later he died of cancer. As I thought of the
pain his family must be feeling,
I was struck with how his broken
angel is like of each of us. We each
hurt. We all experience loss. At
times we are lonely. Like that angel,
we are each broken in some way,
even if our damage is interior and
invisible to others.
But we're each like his broken angel in another way. As it has
been so beautifully said, "We are
all like angels with just one wing.
We can only fly by embracing each
other." We will heal by hanging on
to one another. We will overcome
loneliness best by putting an arm
around someone else and going it
with them.
This family embraced each other. And as they carried one
another's burdens, their own loads
were lightened.
It's a solution for loneliness -- and a formula for happiness.
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The Gadget That Gets Me Started!
A funny story has it that, late one night, a party-goer
decided it would be best to walk
home. He found a short cut through a
poorly-lit cemetery and, in the darkness,
stumbled into an open grave.
He tried to climb out but the walls
were too slippery. Again and again
he fell back into the grave. Finally,
in exhaustion, he settled in a
corner to wait for sunlight.
A few minutes later another man cutting through the cemetery
fell victim to the same grave. He,
too, tried desperately to climb and
claw his way out, and he was equally
unsuccessful. As he was about to
give up in hopeless resignation,
he heard a voice from the darkness of
his pit: "You'll never get out of
here."
He did.
He just needed the proper motivation! And in this case, a shot
of fear did the trick! But when it
comes to finding the motivation to
do most worthwhile things, his example
is the exception.
I am learning that the best motivation, whether I want to
accomplish a task, go back to school,
start something new or kick a
habit, usually comes from the inside.
To be successful, I must WANT to
do it. Others may certainly help
in their encouragement or in "pumping
me up," but, in the end, I will usually
be successful only if I have
enough desire.
Dorothy Heller (Dynamic Illustrations, Seven Worlds
Publishing, May/June 1992) illustrates
this with an all-too-true poem:
I spent a fortune
On a trampoline,
A stationary bike
And a rowing machine
Complete with gadgets
To read my pulse,
And gadgets to prove
My progress results,
And others to show
The miles I've charted --
But they left off the gadget
To get me started!
I received a letter from a reader who said that the best quote
she ever heard shows the power of
simple words: "If it is to be, it
is up to me." The gadget to get me
started lies within!
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A Peculiar Kind Of Love
It was love at first sight.
I knew how the boy felt who clambered breathlessly through his
front door and cried, "Dad! I'm in
love!"
"How do you know it's love?" his father asked.
"Because, when I kissed her good-night, her dog bit me and I
never even felt it 'til I got home!"
Even without the dog-bite test I knew it was love. And she
knew it, too. But six weeks later
(when she asked me to marry her!) I
began to notice something "peculiar"
about her love. She sometimes
said, "I love you too much to hold
on to you." And she said, "I want
you to be happy... even if that means
we won't be together." Another
time she said, "I love you so much
I want to let you go. Don't feel
tied to me."
Talk like that sounded peculiar to me. You see, my love was a
little different. "I love you so
much I want to always keep you with
me," better described my kind of
love. "I love you too much to ever
let you go," was more typical of
how I felt.
My love was a hanging-on kind of love. Hers was a letting-go
kind of love. My love worried about
what it might do to me if I lost
her. Her love worried about what
it might do to us if she hung on too
tightly.
One day she returned from a doctor's appointment distraught.
"He told me I can't have babies,"
she said. Her swollen eyes
overflowed. "I know you want children.
I'll understand if you don't
want to marry," she continued. "I
love you too much to keep you."
There again -- that peculiar letting-go
kind of love.
All of this happened many years ago and, in the meantime, I
have
learned something about love. Love
can sometimes be about hanging on.
But it can also be about letting
go. It is as simple and as difficult
as that.
And I learned something else, too. The doctor was wrong about
the babies!
How about you? Are you needing to hang on to or to let go of
those you love?
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