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I was scared at first.
It was wide, long, and it angled
straight up.
I decided I had to try it once.
I slowly and carefully eased myself
onto it.
It felt weird at first. Then I got
used to it.
I went up and down, and up and down
on it.
I was really loving it.
Now I ride on escalators all the
time.
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I took my fingers, slowly and gently
stretched it apart.
It was so pure and white. I licked
it once, twice...
I found I couldn't stop.
I licked it faster and faster, harder
and harder.
I began to scrape my teeth against
it.
There it Was, in my mouth!
All sweet and creamy.
I was in heaven!
I threw away the outsides of my Oreo
cookie.
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I squeezed it gently at first, then
a little bit harder.
There seemed to be more and more
of it.
I moved it towards my lips.
It was a strange and new sensation
for me.
I put it in my mouth and moved it
around and around with my tongue.
The time soon came when I knew I
had to spit it out.
It was Quite an experience the first
time I tasted toothpaste.
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It was laying limp in my hand. It
was very long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers until
I got to the end of it.
I knew I was turning it on.
It quickly became firm in my hands.
The end was wet.
It got very hard and began gushing
out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered
the bushes.
**********************************************************************
I was old enough.
I knew it was time for it to be done.
I wanted to try but I didn't know
if I could do it.
I called my friend.
He said he knew how to do it and
would teach me.
He came right over.
He put his arms around me and started.
I watched nervously in the mirror.
As he finished he pulled back slowly.
I felt relieved that it was finally
over.
I hate neckties.
**********************************************************************
It looked warm, dark, juicy and inviting.
I just knew the juices would soon
be dribbling down my chin.
My fingers were trembling in anticipation.
The aroma filled my head, driving
me wild.
I carefully pulled it apart with
my fingers to look into it better.
I could hardly resist the urge to
move my head forward and just start eating it.
But I decided to put some catsup
on my burger first.
SUBJECT: Honest Husband
A man tells his wife that he's going
out to buy cigarettes. When he
gets to the store he finds out however
, that it's closed. So the guy
ends up going down to the local bar
to use the vending machine.
While there he had a few beer and
began talking to this beautiful girl.
He had a few more beers and the next
thing he knew he was in this
girl's apartment and having quite
a pleasurable time. The next thing
he knew it was 3:00 AM.
"Oh my, god , my wife is going to
kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick
give me some talcum powder!"
She got him some and he rubbed it
all over his hands. When he got
home his wife was up waiting for
him and she was furious. "Where the
hell have you been!"
He said, "Well to tell you the truth,
I went into a bar, had a few
drinks, went home with this blonde
and I slept with her."
"Let me see your hands!" she demanded.
He showed his wife
his powdery hands. "Damn liar, You
were out bowling again!"
SUBJECT: CONDOMS
A guy is going on a tour of a factory
that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he is shown the
machine that manufactures baby-bottle
nipples. The machine makes a loud
"hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber
being injected into the mold," explains
the guide. "The popping sound is
the needle poking a hole in the end
of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of
the factory where condoms are
manufactured. The machine makes a
"Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait
a minute!" says the man taking the
tour. "I understand what the 'hiss,
hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop'
every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the
baby-bottle nipple machine," says the
guide. "It pokes a hole in every
fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
SUBJECT: 2nd ACT
A man took his wife to a Broadway
show. During the first intermission he
had to take a leak in the worst way,
so he hurried to find the bathrooms.
He searched in vain for the bathrooms,
but he finally found a beautiful
fountain with foliage, and since
nobody was watching, so he decided to take
a leak right there.
When he finally got back into the
auditorium, the second act had already
begun. He searched in the dark until
he found his wife. "Did I miss much
of the second act?" he asked.
"Miss it?" she said, "You were in it!"